Her Choice to Parent

Parenting is both challenging and rewarding. Whether a woman is choosing to parent as a single parent or as a couple, there are many ways that she can prepare to be a good parent. Whether she has had parents that were excellent role models or parents that she does not want to imitate, she can begin making choices now to ensure a healthy, loving, and secure future for her baby.

Types of Parenting

The choice of parenting is accompanied by a variety of options. Different responsibilities and challenges are associated with each parenting option. Regardless of the parenting option a woman may choose, local resources are available and can be extremely helpful to new parents. Check out the Community Resources section for more information.

Marriage:
Some couples choose to get married following the discovery of an unplanned pregnancy. This option can be very positive, especially for children because both parents are committed to each other (emotionally and legally) and to the needs of the child.

Questions to Consider: How long have we been dating? How well do we know each other? Have we already discussed marriage prior to finding out about this pregnancy? How strong is this relationship? Is marriage the best choice for the baby and for our relationship?

The Center for Law and Social Policy (CLASP) reports compelling facts about the effects of family structure on the well-being of children.¹ Here are some of the findings:

• Studies show that children do best when growing up in a low-conflict household with both of their biological parents – they are less likely to be poor, drop out of high school, have psychological or behavioral issues, and experience an out-of-wedlock pregnancy themselves.
• Children whose mothers never married are most likely to live in poverty, even more so than divorced single mothers.
• Research also has indicated that pregnant women that chose to have a “shotgun wedding,” getting married while pregnant, experienced a poverty rate of less than half of women who decided not to marry.
• Children whose mothers are living with a partner are at risk for poorer outcomes than children of married parents. These living situations can be unstable – the average “living together” relationship lasts about two years. Half of these relationships end in marriage, but of those couples that go on to get married many more get divorced than couples that didn’t live together before marriage.

While many couples may resist the idea of marrying for “the sake of the baby,” being raised by married parents can be very beneficial for the child, as well as for the parents! Married people tend to save more money, are financially better off, and report higher levels of emotional and physical satisfaction with their sex lives than unmarried couples do.

Joint Parenting or Joint Custody:
A woman may be choosing this parenting option because the couple are both interested in having the baby, but recognize, at least for now, that they are not ready to enter into a marital relationship.

This parenting option often has two people committed to meeting the needs of the child, but it comes with additional challenges such as schedules, commuting, and communicating consistently.

Single Parenting:
Single parenting is usually chosen by individuals who want to parent a baby, but their partner has exited the relationship or has not been supportive of this choice.

When a woman chooses this parenting option, open communication and interaction with the baby’s father about his role is important. The issues most often needing to be well defined are: visitation, providing financial support, and helping out with care of their child.

Single parenting can be a challenging option because it means meeting most of the parenting responsibilities herself. In contrast, for some women, meeting the responsibilities and challenges of single parenting can actually motivate her to be more focused in her life-goals and in establishing a healthy home life for herself and her child.

Friends and family usually become her best support. If a woman does not have a strong support system already, it is possible through various organizations, classes, or mother/baby groups to build relationships with others who can lend a helping hand. She shouldn’t hesitate to look to others for help and support.

Check out the Community Resources for ideas.

The Whatcom County Pregnancy Clinic has a program to assist women in preparing for parenting and developing parenting skills. Parent Program

¹ Parke, Mary. (May 2003). Are Married Parents Really Better for Children? What Research Says about the Effects of Family Structure on Child Well-Being, Center for Law and Social Policy. Available at www.clasp.org.